Wednesday, 14 November 2007

A journey more calm

Pheromones are abound in this household; cats are calmer and not so much hissing fills the air. The plug-in diffuser seems to be working, so I shall sneak off to the Gym while both cats sleep. I wish I could have had a plug-in diffuser to elimate the early months of painful grief.

Just six months' ago I wouldn't have been in the right frame of mind to look after a wild rescued kitten of just 9 weeks; it would've been all too much. It's only now that I can look back with reflection and see just how grief-stricken I have been while all the time pretending to be 'just fine' smiling and saying 'I'm okay' to anyone who was brave enough to ask.

It's only now that I can look back at my own behaviour with regret, after my father died leaving my mother absolutely grief-stricken after 35 years of marriage together. I didn't understand... I thought I had an inkling of what she was going through at the time and I thought I'd done all I could to help - at the time. Only now, having lost the only person in my whole life whom I've loved with all my heart, mind, body and soul, do I understand the enormity of the loss. If only I could go back in time and with this painful knowledge, do and say things differently for my mother. I may have been able to ease the passage of grief, and she may not have died just one year after my father. I'm so sorry Mum.

1 comment:

Abba said...

Hi Jenny B

I saw your new posts and was curious about Oxfordshire is located and if the wheels and ocean photos are nearby where you live.

Keep a stiff upper lip and take a look at my blog in a little while as I will soon be updated todays events.