Tuesday, 1 July 2008

Summer Song

Summer Song is the name of the rose that sits on his ashes. The scent is delicious and heady, just like the last summer we had together.

I thought all the peculiar, grief induced, mind-disturbing dreams had ended. But no. In my pre-waking moments this morning, he was in the room looking tanned healthy and strong. He was smiling at me and scooped me up in his long arms and twirled me around. He asked me how I was and that he'd missed me. I told him how wonderful he looked. There was no sign of the debilitating effects of the stroke and he talked about helping me sort out the finances and that everything would be okay. I said that we must be careful what we spent our money on and that we must ensure that we ate healthily and stayed fit. I suppose that in my confused sleepy state I was trying to prevent the stroke I knew in my subconscious was going to happen. It was as if the truth was trying to seep through my dream. But he was so real and I actually felt myself being scooped up in the air and I felt his arms around me tightly.

This is the third vivid and so real dream I've had since he died where I've felt him and touched him and have even smelt his scent. I've had other dreams of him, but these three dreams have been different; he has been real and alive and we talked and smiled together... so different and so disturbing.

I can only assume it is a cruel trick of the mind, but for a few moments in time it felt as though he was really with me again. I awoke feeling lighter, happier and loved. If only he could visit...

3 comments:

Jay said...

I've heard so many people say they've had similar experiences after the loss of a loved one, and I myself have done so after the loss of my most beloved dog. I don't look on it as a cruel trick of the mind, I believe it's the soul of the departed coming to reassure us that they're OK. I had the most vivid waking vision of my dog sitting at my side while I was working at my computer one day, about a week after I lost him to congestive heart failure as a very elderly dog. In my vision he was young, bright eyed and just barking joyfully at me, as if inviting me to play. It made me cry, but I felt it was a sign that he was at peace.

Maybe this was the case for you too. Maybe this dream was a visit. I've heard it said that such visits will continue to people who have yet to come to terms with their loss, and will only end when we tell them it's OK to move on.

JennyB said...

Thank you Jay... I feel that I was indeed visited by my lovely man but now feel a little guilty if what you say is right, and that I need to 'let go' and let my husband 'move on'. Am I keeping him here by my thoughts and grieving?

I feel so inadequate when it comes to the afterlife and don't know what I should do. If only the deceased could email...!

Jay said...

Don't feel guilty! One thing the departed surely have plenty of, is time, if it even exists wherever they are. It's part of the cycle of life and death, and my belief is that part of their task is to help us past the grieving. I personally don't feel that they are impatient to move along. Maybe it's important to them, too, to ensure we are OK before they do?