Stately Garden in the Cotswolds

Last summer my friends and I visited many National Trust properties as well as other grand houses open to the public. I took lots of photos and upon stumbling across one the other day, ... decided to try and paint it!

It started out as just a simple line and wash attempt... but I wanted to play with wet-in-wet and this is the result... a doorway to who knows what...

Yesterday I had another scan... an MRI this time. Still no firm diagnosis; the consultant was annoyed that the previous Ultrasound scan doc had presumed to diagnose Haemochromotosis without all tests being concluded. I suppose she's right, but I'm still left with no firm diagnosis yet and don't know what to eat or do in the meantime. I actually feel a lot better, although still have some aches and pains in the upper right abdomen region. Trouble is, while all this is still in the 'don't know' box, I can't seem to concentrate or plan anything for the future. I just want to get healthy again and start living life to the full. I've spent too much time grieving and am now ready to move on... seriously!

All that aside... I am a member of the local Arts Group, and have just looked at other members' art work...Wow! What a talented group they are. I have just lost all confidence in my own ability! Perhaps I should take up plumbing instead!!

Enough!

Like most of the population, apart from Bournemouth who haven't had snow, I have now had enough!

I made my way to the John Radcliffe hospital in Oxford, skidding along my lane until I came to a road that was more drive able... joined the queues onto the ring road and stayed in nose to bumper traffic for an hour and a bit. Then came the trauma of trying to park the car at the JR with no electric parking signs working, cars abandoned all over the place, cars skidding into parked ones... in all another 35 minutes until I abandoned my car on a patch of snow-covered grass under a tree.

I entered the nearest door and then walked for another 15 minutes until I found the Radiology Department. I expected to wait another 30 minutes, but amazingly I was shown straight in and then began the ultrasound on my abdomen. In conclusion, and with phone calls to my GP and other departments, it seems my problem is Hemochromatosis (iron overload in the body) ... an inherited condition that if untreated at the early stages inevitably leads to Diabetes, Heart attack and or disease, Lung disease, Kidney disease or failure, Stroke and Liver failure. Not the news I wanted to hear. So now I have to see a specialist, will need an MRI scan to see what damage has occurred and will probably have to have blood taken from me on a very regular basis in order to try and remove the stored iron in my organs. Of course I looked it all up on the NHS website and I may now have a shortened lifespan as a result. It explains my brother's diabetes and my parents' and grandparents' early death from Heart disease and Stroke.

Of course, I've been doing all the wrong things for the past 9 months... due to feeling tired all the time, I increased my iron intake via supplements... wrong move! I've been eating all the wrong foods; salmon, liver, steak etc - all high in iron. I should drink more Tea (Tanning helps reduce iron intake); avoid red meat, shellfish and any sugary foods. I look pale, sometimes grey and am losing weight. I managed to get through to the busy outpatients' reception desk this morning... (too many fractures and no staff available), to try and bring the appointments forward, but no luck yet.

So now I have to think of my children and their children... the faulty gene is passed down... some are carriers, and some, like me will have this condition. Apparently, it is more common than doctors first thought and as many as one in one hundred people have this condition and remain undiagnosed. My iron overload has gone straight to my Liver and has formed clusters, one of which is just behind my Gall Bladder and is causing me pain. Ironically, (pardon the pun), I now hardly ever drink red wine, which along with tea, contains tannins that reduce iron intake. Not that I'm about to start - my Liver is too important for me to get it wrong again! I just wish that this condition had been picked up when I'd visited various GPs over the past three years.

Today I hope to get the car out of the garage and venture into the nearest town for a paper. That's if I can negotiate past the piled up snow by my gate and path... left there by my neighbour who has constantly been clearing his side of the driveway! If I had any energy I would clear my side.

Proper Snow

Oxford radio have just announced that all hospitals are only operating an 'emergency only' policy... outpatients must remain 'out'. No chance of a scan today then?

I awoke to the dark, dull and silent atmosphere... no cars along the lane; no rain on the now blacked-out skylights and two cats sat either side of me, staring at me as if telepathically they were asking me to wake up and feed them. The ache just under my right ribcage worse this morning, but hey ho, I'm getting used to it now.

My car is safely tucked away in the garage, while my neighbour's car and large white van are covered in about eight inches of snow along with everything else for miles around. I watched parochial news featuring older people saying that this is nothing compared to the forties! Of course it isn't... we've all been told many times that things were better, worse, bigger, smaller or harder back then. But then, I really don't mind the snow! I have enough food to keep me going for several weeks and plenty of wood in the woodstore and candles in the cupboard. It's just that if the pain in my upper abdomen gets worse and I generally go downhill, it will have to be a helicopter job with a hoist!

As for the symptoms, perhaps anyone out there in the blogosphere can help out three so far, confused doctors?? I have an intolerance to wheat/gluten... maybe, and I've been told in the past that I have stress-related IBS. Recent illness began in early November with sudden attacks of feeling as if I was on fire, with outbreaks of sweat on body and head... no, not menopausal flushes! I've briefly had them in the past and it is a different kind of heatwave! I'm constantly tired, pale, worn out and I'm having mouth ulcers and the corners of my mouth become sore. So, I have increased my vitamin B, C and D and am eating all the right foods, including my five or seven a day!

My diagnosis? I think I have either a severe intolerance or allergy to wheat/gluten. I think my gall bladder is enlarged (and was confirmed by examination at Doc's). All blood and urine tests have ruled out any really bad nasties (or so the Doctors say). So I have now stopped eating and drinking anything that may have trace elements of wheat or gluten. This is so hard, as I've just discovered that the Cappucino coffee sachets that I have continued to drink, have wheat in them... no wonder I don't seem to be getting any better! However, I could have gall stones... anyone know what the symptoms are?

Thank you for listening to my boring symptoms. I hope everyone out there is healthy and happy - or will be for 2010. Best wishes for the year ahead.

Time flies... sometimes

This was Pebble at approximately ten weeks... now he is over two years old and tall, long and weighs about 5 and a half kg. He gets along okay with Banjo who is well over 11 years old and they tolerate each other; sometimes they chase each other and Banjo will try and wash Pebble... for all of 30 seconds, when he dashes off or tries to rough and tumble with her. This results in some hissing from Banjo. They don't sleep together, but will lie alongside each other in front of the log fire and only when I am with them.

I don't know how Charlie is getting on in my daughter's household... I have been busy seeing GPs about some possible Gall Stone trouble! Not funny and very painful. Now I have to go for a scan. I'm so glad I have completed my Will!

When I looked back at the pictures of my two cats I realised just how quickly the last two years have gone by. It's now four years and three months since he died... sometimes it seems like yesterday - sometimes it seems a lifetime away. Time either stands still when you want it to move, or it flies when you forget to count the days.

Charlie

Well, this is the latest picture of my daughter's new addition to the family... Charlie! About one year old, overfed, never been allowed to play and still trying to 'fit in' with a household of two adults, two boys and an existing male cat who every now and then, attacks him... it's a cat territorial thing!

He is, however, so very affectionate and loves to climb on my lap, and snuggle in to the crook of my arm, turn over and lie with his legs in the air, purring while I stroke him.

However, Charlie has a little habit that's causing my daughter to be annoyed... namely he pees in the hall instead of going outside. Now my daughter wanted to rub his nose in the pee, thinking this would deter him. I explained that you only usually do that to puppies, certainly not cats! It's a sign that he is completely 'lost' in a house with an existing male cat and is trying hard to establish himself... with pee.

It's a shame my feet are in the background! Along with a 'Burford Garden Centre' shopping bag!

Just like old times

Before my lovely man became ill, part of my consultancy job with a Constabulary was to travel to different locations, interview, observe, gather information, evaluate then write a report and present the findings for different projects... a job I loved doing, because I met lots of interesting people and learnt a lot. So, now I find myself travelling to various villages where they've set up their own community shop; I interview, observe, gather information, evaluate, collate and report, ready to set up our own village shop... I love it! At last, I'm doing something useful and meeting lots of people in the process!

As a footnote to the sad ending of little Bubu (two posts earlier), my daughter has taken in another unwanted young cat called 'Charlie'. His owner didn't want him any more and deposited him at the Veterinary clinic where daughter Number four works. Charlie is short and round and very affectionate and unlike Bubu, is far from emaciated, but, he now has a new home and a family that loves him.

Reflections

I really love Autumn and Spring... mostly Spring, because it heralds the start of something new, fresh, and light and green. Autumn will always remind me of the death of my lovely man... the golden light on the green lawn and the dahlias bobbing in the gentle breeze. It was his favourite time of the year, and the house he'd built years before had been called 'September Cottage'. How I long now for a new house of my own... a new beginning... apart and separate from all the trauma and grief of the past four years!

To that end, I have now decorated all the interior of the house... the house that conforms to all the disability regulations... I just have to repaint the outside... the postman told me the other day that 'the front door needs a coat of paint'... thank you Postie, but don't you have other pressing job-related issues to worry about?

I am on a Steering Group to try and establish a new village community shop and Post Office as the old one is closing down... the owner wants to retire somewhere 'oop north'. I am trying to help, but one half of me is already moving mind, body and soul, as well as house and home to another location... one that is away from neighbours who terrorise cats, away from umpteen covenants on the house that restrict me from just about everything, away from teenage boys who destroy my security lamps, pear tree and stream with their thoughtless antics.

I can't seem to get a job, no matter how hard I try and despite leaving out my date of birth. I have given up trying to find a 'nice, good' man still with his own teeth and hair... who needs em? I have now learnt to live without male company, male protection or attention and have resigned myself to the status quo.

Once Christmas is over with and the outside of the house is painted, I shall seek a valuation and start looking in earnest for another property that I can call my own... one without memories and one where I can feel safe, alone and can look after my cats, paint, decorate and garden landscape to my heart's content. I just need a bit of extra money....!

Upon reflection, what does any of it matter? I exist fairly well. It could be a whole lot worse!