Sunday, 5 October 2008

In loving memory...again

Yep... another year gone by since my lovely man departed this planet, and the rose shown is called 'in loving memory' and still it blooms.

I don't know if I am getting resigned to the loneliness, or if my destiny is that I am to be alone now until my own death. The fact is, that I no longer gaze at other men I see in the street or at the Gym. No one could ever match up to my man, and I feel I'm losing the will to ever find one to replace him... probably because I know I never shall.

I spend more and more time alone with my two cats, and I read more and sew more. I long to join a dancing class, but there are none in my area.

However, I've just joined a beginners' class in Watercolour painting at the local college and while the teaching is anything but good, I have at least, painted a colour chart, three oranges of dubious colour and an apple with a bite out of it. There wasn't supposed to be a bite out of it, but I got bored waiting. I was told my red wasn't the right colour red and my yellow wasn't lemony enough. Ah well, who cares?

I haven't gone out and bought three sable brushes as instructed, instead preferring to use those of my dearly departed who discovered he could paint after suffering his stroke. I use his paints and brushes and the teacher will just have to like it.

The two hour lesson sped by and I found the experience therapeutic if nothing else. It beats being bullied by a member of the other group I'd joined six months' ago and which is still under investigation. Somehow I don't think the investigation will come to much... there's funding linked to the bully and in my experience, funding always takes presidence!

Three years have gone by and still I yearn for him, still I am lonely and cry at night. Is there no end to it!

1 comment:

Puddock said...

Thinking about you Jenny, and hoping it gets better soon...