Sunday, 11 May 2008

Ashes and Roses

My beloved's ashes lie within these two pots of roses, although one pot has less of him now... I spent yesterday, my birthday, re-potting them because the original pots had become splintered through frost damage. There was an ant's nest in one of the pots which required some sifting and spraying before re-potting. A large quantity of soil and ashes were left over, so they are now amongst two newly bought roses in the garden. My lovely man's remains are spreading around the garden... I don't know if this is in any way disrespectful, however, he always insisted that he didn't want his ashes as a shrine and that I could put him on the compost if I wished. I can now sit on the bench and talk to him, then walk to one side of the garden and say a few more words, move over to the other side and say some more words. Much better than keeping him in a pot on the mantlepiece.

As for dating, yes, I tried it again! Such a disappointment... where are all the single, normal, men of my age... yep... they are either Gay, Married or Dead. So I have definitely resigned myself to the sorrowful view that my chance of happiness within a loving, intimate relationship has been and gone. And I think, how lucky I was to have known such happiness, short as it was. My heart goes out to all those, who like me, are existing day to day, rudderless.


Jay said...

I think it's in no way disrespectful that your lovely man's ashes are spreading. This is the natural order of things, and as you say, you have him in several places to talk to.

Don't despair. My Mum lost my Dad after they'd been married over thirty years, but a few years later met a wonderful man who was a widower. They married and had around the same length of time together. It is possible to have two long and happy marriages in one lifetime!

JennyB said...

Thank you Jay... optimistic views are what I need right now.

Puddock said...

What an inspiration Jay! Gives us hope.

Jenny, I scattered the Golfer's ashes around my garden and bit of woodland too. I was worried about the respect thing too but I think he would have been happy about it and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.