Sunday, 15 July 2007

Who said exercise was good for you?

Have spent the week lying on the floor or the bed, not engaged in anything exciting, just trying to get my skeletal/muscular system to realign itself so that the pain may stop. The whole of my Pelvic region has gone into spasm, making me walk like a hunchback without a stick.

Last Sunday I had a really good day (by my standards) at the Gym; working at an obscene rate on the treadmill for 20 minutes at speed 6, (whatever that is), at incline 6, holding on to the top edge of the frame for dear life while smiling back at the passing super-fit instructor as he surveys his domain. He has the air of someone who is a connoisseur of modern torture methods. So, I try to look as if I know what I'm doing by smiling serenely at all who pass by while wondering if I can safely take a swig of my bottled water and keep my balance at a speed and incline of 6. No, can't be done!

From there I move on to various machines designed to tighten buttocks, thighs, triceps, biceps, abdomen and something called tranverse whatever! I finish off my session on the mat with pelvic thrusts, the plank, squats, lunges, various stretching exercises that brought tears to my eyes and a few moves that are my own. Respectfully sweaty and pleased with myself, I stagger past an elderly gent on the rowing machine, still wearing my fixed, confident smile and decide to finish off with a steady swim.

Swim - fine! Jacussi - wonderful! Home for lunch as I'm starving!

Later that evening, I decide to try self-waxing of the Bikini Line - a first-time experience. I'd always preferred shaving but stubble and rash can be a problem. Exfoliation is essential in preventing that area resembling a 1970's hairy biker! Armed with the latest 'easy-to-use wax strips from Boots I read the instructions carefully. I warm the strips in my hands for several seconds, peel back the outer paper and apply as instructed, then holding down my skin with one hand, I peel off the strip as fast as I can. I'm not sure which came first; shouting obscene words or tears! The area of abused skin turned a puplish pink as pores became inflamed and seemed to go into shock! I give up - leaving one little bare, red rectangle of skin, I dig out a tube of hair removing cream and hope it's still in date! Shortly after, my back went into spasm, and by morning I could hardly move - if only I could get to the medicine cabinet for anti-inflammatories - none there! Too early for Gin, so paracetamol it had to be.

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