All at sea

Why do I feel under pressure to get a job or do something worthwhile? No matter how many job agencies or college registers I sign up to and no matter how hard I try to apply for jobs in the local paper... nothing materialises! Do I trust in Fate? Is something waiting for me that I've yet to discover or stumble upon? It seems that I've been asking myself the same old questions for over a year now.

But if I analyse how I am currently feeling and thinking compared to two years' ago, I now know that I've needed this solitary confinement and retreat in order to come to terms with losing my lovely man and to get myself in a place whereby I can operate on all four cylinders again.

I've known others who have jumped into a relationship with the first person to offer a shoulder to cry on; I've known others to jump from one unsatisfactory situation to another... I'm not a jumper, more a cautious plodder. However, I think that the time is almost here for me to jump into something... probably the proverbial s*** heap!!

I'm looking for some divine inspiration to point me in the right direction... an island of opportunity; a step into a future of substance... I've had enough of being all at sea... time to do something...??? Any clues... anyone??

Confused

It has taken me a couple of days to reinstate (hopefully) my toolbar (while creating a post) in order to upload photos and pics. I don't know what I've done... playing around again! Well, here goes.

It all went wrong when I was playing around with transliteration! I just wanted to see what my text looked like in Hindi. For some reason or other, while trying to get back to basic English, I clicked on something that deleted my toolbar. The only way I'm writing this blog is by editing the draft copy that went horribly wrong. This may become a case for the blog help center if this doesn't work! Meanwhile, in frustration I have scrubbed three large fitted carpets - on my hands and knees. What else is a lonely widow to do on a Sunday?

Today I did my Garden Design course homework and braved the elements to go out and measure my garden after spending a long time looking for the metal measuring tape that I knew I'd put somewhere safe. I found it in my bedside table drawer! I know. Why would I want a measuring tape next to my bed? I need to eat more blueberries and drink more coffee in order to ward off Alzheimers.

I had a surprise today when going into the recently 'held up by armed robbers' post office. As I waited to be served, in walked 'little man from the Jacuzzi', he of amourous notions who is also married, but still keeps trying to get my attention. "ello", he says. "What are you doing here?" says I. "I'm doing some decorating here." he replies. He then goes to the back of the post office where he is obviously doing some work. I can't seem to escape the little man. It was quite strange to see him fully clothed and wearing a woolly hat... up close and with his eyes level with my chest! It all seems to happen here in this remote little village, miles from the Gym and Pool where I usually bump into him!

At the moment my life seems a little surreal... if not confused!