In just ten days' time, it will be exactly four years since my lovely man departed this earthly existence for whatever place is next... (or not)! I keep wondering whether there are other non-worldly places our souls go to, or, when we die do we just cease to exist permanently?I have read several articles over the years concerning young children's memories of past lives. Perhaps Buddhism is nearer to the truth of our existence than other religions? Maybe not.
Back to my own existence... today I went for an interview for the job of being a pottery painter... nothing creative about it, just daubing paint onto cut-out stencils in a very precise and prescribed way, sitting at a workstation for six hours each day, five days a week for near enough the minimum wage. Upon completion, I shook hands with the owner as he said a letter will go out to all candidates next week, short-listing to a few who will then be invited back to spend a day working at a workstation stencilling all day... whoopee... just for the experience and without pay. The successful candidate will then come back for a three month trial period. My gut instinct screams out that NO... I don't think this is for me!
I went home, aggressively dead-headed the roses and then spent the afternoon searching for teaching theories in preparation for another interview this Friday. I have to give a twenty minute, innovative micro-teach to a small group, pretending they are prospective teachers on a basic course. Then follows a question and answer session and interview. About an hour in total. The job?... a sessional tutor in teacher training.
Part of me says I should do this and get myself out of the house; bills need paying; and a mortgage will need paying off soon. I am also made aware (by one or two well-meaning folk) that I am not of retiring age; that I should be meeting people; and that I need a purpose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. However, in the past I embarked on unsuitable jobs that made me physically ill. I always vowed never to take a job again that went against my needs, wants and value system, nor just for the sake of it. I would rather go without food, give up the Gym and sell my car than be so unhappy in a job. I have done many jobs in the past (some not very nice) that paid for food, education and important things for my children. I no longer have dependants, which governs everything we do. There is only me and two cats... they can catch their own food if necessary. Now I answer only to myself.
So when Friday comes along, I shall again, listen to my gut instinct once I've delivered my micro teach and been questioned etc. Sometimes I wonder if I am now too affected by life's cruel events and therefore not willing to conform. I have developed a rebellious streak and don't like being told what to do. And this is why I would love my own business. As an aside; after reading a book about Cosmic Ordering, I wrote down my wish list and wished with all my heart... for days! It worked for Noel Edmunds, but doesn't seem to work for me! Ah well, back to Honey and Mumford's Learning Style Inventory!!!
4 comments:
Honey and Mumford...they sound like cuddly toys in a kids' cartoon! Guess they aren't as much fun in reality?
As usual, Jenny, you and I are on exactly the same track. I'm sitting here at the computer this morning thinking that I need to get a job but really, really not wanting to do it just "to meet people". I've been getting the same advice and sidelong glances from well-meaning friends for ages and it's hard to resist.
I couldn't agree more about doing a job that feels right. I always told the Golfer that I would rather we lived in a teeny cottage and were happy and unstressed than in a big house in the country with all mod cons and hate the jobs we were doing. I don't think he ever believed me though and he kept on doing a well-paid but very high-stress job that he hated until he fell ill. I am convinced that the stress of his life played a large part in his illness.
As you will know only too well, advice is one thing but no-one else is living your life and very few have any idea what being widowed is like. They think they do but they haven't a clue. Stick to your guns and do what makes you happy. The only thing I would say is that there's no harm in giving a job a go for a little while and then chucking it in when you've taken as much out of the job as YOU want. I'm very impressed that you have two interviews though - well done you! I think I might look for a proper job when I move house. I'm going south so there should be not just more work but hopefully more interesting work too.
Good luck with the talk!
Only by chance found your blog.
Perhaps fate drew me here I don't know. We all suffer from the Anglo Saxon work ethic. Five years ago I retired after 30 stress filled years as a policeman, my whole career at the front line. The work ethic was such that it drove me to seek another job even before I had retired. I had completed my CV and the application form and on a day off was taking the envelope for personal delivery. Then something happened on that journey. I can't explain what it was but I pulled over and spent ages just sitting. I guess I had that 'gut' instinct feeling that what I was contemplating was simply wrong. I remember that when I tore the envelope up in the car I suddenly felt a great sense of freedom. I felt that a huge weight had lifted. I had decided that the time I had left was my time and no one else's. Do I think that I should get a job? If I am honest occasionally I do but only fleetingly. Do I get bored, No I have no time to. My time has allowed me to develop things that I was interested before I retired but had no time. Am I broke? Well my pension keeps the wolf from the door but I value my health and lifestyle above money.
I can't advise you on what you should do but I think you already know inside what is the right path to take.
The very best of luck.
Thank you Puddock... yeah, cuddly toys is about right! As for the two interviews... both were not for me!
Anonymous... you were so right to tear up the envelope and go with your 'gut instinct'. I too worked for the police and somehow, after nine years with them I'd changed... something had been sucked out of me. I have only now regained my 'true' self and my gut instinct caused me to email the second interview people and turn down their job. They've since replied, asking me to reconsider. But, in order to be true to my own embedded value system, I shall not be taking up their offer.
Whoever and wherever you are... you have done the right thing!
You are so very right on the unhappy in a job... I reached that point and am now just waiting for the house to be sold before I scamper off to Cornwall and life anew...
Blessings on your future, may there be sunshine in your day xx
Post a Comment